29 novembre 2012

Vita d'ospedale - 3



Ho lavorato in molti ospedali. Ho iniziato a Verona e ho finito a Gravedona, ma fra queste due tappe ci sono state Topolinia, Paperopoli, Avarinia e Spreconia.
Uno dei più divertenti è stata Topolinia, ci ho resistito poco.
La città era piccolina, anche se la qualità della vita era molto buona e le serate sempre divertenti.
Eravamo una grande famiglia; ci si dava facilmente del “tu”.
I primari erano per lo più simpatici, salvo qualche lodevole eccezione, e avevano potere di vita e qualche volta di morte.
La direzione amministrativa era affidata a un imbecille che militava nel giusto partito, allora scudocrociato.
La direzione sanitaria toccava invece a un primario di ostetricia, ovviamente dello stesso partito.
Tutto era immutabile dal tempo dei tempi,  la farmacia, la portineria, il pronto soccorso, il parcheggio e la camera mortuaria.
Era più facile far passare un topolino dalla cruna di un ago che apportare una variazione al prontuario terapeutico e in farmacia si preparavano ancora galenici.
La parola d’ordine era “occupare i letti” e quando la morbilità si riduceva, almeno in pediatria, i ricoveri si allungavano.
Per una broncopolmonite si poteva languire in una linda cameretta per 25 giorni, o almeno così ci informano le statistiche del tempo.
In altri reparti i letti venivano occupati anche in modo più ludico, ma statisticamente meno quantificabile.
Il problema di ridurre i costi era relegato alla solita invocazione: comincino al sud (dell’Italia ovviamente)!
C’era già una divisione di Ostetricia a 25 chilometri? Ma noi siamo più bravi e poi la strada è brutta, ci sono i camion della Sangemini.
C’era già una divisione di Pediatria a 25 chilometri? Ma noi siamo più simpatici e un bambino deve  stare vicino ai nonni, alle zia e alle figlie della sorella, ch’era gobba pure quella.
C’era già una divisione di Ortopedia  a 30 chilometri? Ma noi siamo più belli e quelli sanno trattare solo il ginocchio.
E così in questa provincia, grande come un quartiere di Milano, ci stavano quattro/cinque ospedali  con tanti dottori e altrttanti amministrativi.
Qualche anno più tardi fu giocoforza unire le amministrazioni ospedaliere e ci si trovò con un numero esorbitante di medici e di amministrativi.
I medici, soprattutto i molti precari, finirono sistemati tutti: qualcuno perse il lavoro, qualcun’altro lo perdette. L’Accademia della Crusca permetteva e permette tutt’ora entrambe le azioni.
Per gli amministrativi, fra i quali c’erano ben pochi avventizi, non c’era soluzione. Il lago, dove buttarli impietosamente, era lontano e il fiume, ridotto a un rigagnolo puzzolente dallo sfruttamento idroelettrico, non era praticabile.
Si pensò allora di dividere il carrozzone in un’Azienza Sanitalia Locale e un’Azienda Ospedaliera Provinciale.
Così gli amministrativi, circa il doppio dei medici, trovarono giusta collocazione.
Ora Mario Crudelio Monti dice che non ci sono i soldi per garantire un’adeguata assitenza pubblica:  indubitabilemente si tratta di persona ignorante e priva di fantasia. 

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